How do you see me?
Strong, secure?
What's behind the laugh, the smile?
I tell you what I think,
I share my thoughts,
take you in,
breathe you out,
Yet, we are not connected,
did you share that you don't know,
Did we look in each others' eyes?
I feel,
you feel,
we are,
we are not.
I touched you,
yet I am still alone.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Friday, June 18, 2010
Time Management
ADHD and time management. Well, there's a topic! So I need to start putting limits on myself. Yes, limits. On. Myself. Well. Hmmmm. So, I don't have any experience with actually DOING that. I know it NEEDS to be done, but doing it it something totally different. I have this illusion that I am going to do something great with my life, but if I don't get up off my butt and off the computer, off my cell phone, out from in front of every screen in my life...it ain't gonna happen.
I am so passionate, have so many great ideas, but if I just keep living my life for distractions, it's all for naught. That frustration of knowing that I have something great to offer, but being too...lazy? distracted? unmotivated? confused?...to offer it--haunts me. Talk about existential fear! I'll go to my grave never having realized my full potential--all because of WIFI. Shoot.
I am so passionate, have so many great ideas, but if I just keep living my life for distractions, it's all for naught. That frustration of knowing that I have something great to offer, but being too...lazy? distracted? unmotivated? confused?...to offer it--haunts me. Talk about existential fear! I'll go to my grave never having realized my full potential--all because of WIFI. Shoot.
Thursday, June 17, 2010
ADHD and College
It's getting to be that time. My son is going into his junior year at a college prep school. College prep means that he is being prepared for college. In two years, theoretically, he should be heading off to college. Because it's private college prep school, there are plenty of people there who are 4.0+ students, with all honors and AP classes, who play a sport, play an instrument and have already developed a "resume" a mile long.
To my son's credit, with ADHD, no medication and just a little support (Sylvan Learning 2x a week), he is holding his own. Just not getting-into-Harvard-Stanford-or USC holding his own. He's got a solid C+. Which is an improvement from his Freshman year, so who knows what he might be able to pull of this year with a (little) maturity?
Meanwhile, as the other moms are gearing up for testing and filling that resume for their overachieving sons, I am FREAKING OUT that he won't get into college. All you hear about is how critical this year is, how hard it is to get into schools, how they need to do this that and the other thing or they'll NEVER get in ANYWHERE. It's enough to give me a massive panic attack and be voluntarily committed.
SO-what do I do when anxiety strikes? Like any good addict, I Google it. So, I Googled "colleges for C students" and lo and behold, there ARE schools that look at more than grades. If my son, with his high IQ and stellar test taking skills, can show that he is smart and motivated and has a lot to offer (which he does), there is a chance that we can pay a large sum of money to some great (yet small) institution to admit him. This is at once reassuring and disturbing, but all hope is not lost. Except he wants to go to L.A. and be a rock star. We'll have to work on that...
What do you think? How important is college these days? Have you had an ADHD kid make it through high school and try college? How'd it go? I'd love to hear others' experiences.
To my son's credit, with ADHD, no medication and just a little support (Sylvan Learning 2x a week), he is holding his own. Just not getting-into-Harvard-Stanford-or USC holding his own. He's got a solid C+. Which is an improvement from his Freshman year, so who knows what he might be able to pull of this year with a (little) maturity?
Meanwhile, as the other moms are gearing up for testing and filling that resume for their overachieving sons, I am FREAKING OUT that he won't get into college. All you hear about is how critical this year is, how hard it is to get into schools, how they need to do this that and the other thing or they'll NEVER get in ANYWHERE. It's enough to give me a massive panic attack and be voluntarily committed.
SO-what do I do when anxiety strikes? Like any good addict, I Google it. So, I Googled "colleges for C students" and lo and behold, there ARE schools that look at more than grades. If my son, with his high IQ and stellar test taking skills, can show that he is smart and motivated and has a lot to offer (which he does), there is a chance that we can pay a large sum of money to some great (yet small) institution to admit him. This is at once reassuring and disturbing, but all hope is not lost. Except he wants to go to L.A. and be a rock star. We'll have to work on that...
What do you think? How important is college these days? Have you had an ADHD kid make it through high school and try college? How'd it go? I'd love to hear others' experiences.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Aaagghhh!
Spilled red wine on the couch. Got up to get a cloth to wipe it up. Decided I should wash the pans that had been sitting there for 24 hours. Washed the pans. Saw the coffee pot. Decided I'd get coffee ready to make in the morning. Got the coffee ready, went to go sit down and realized there was red wine on the couch.
This is the story of my life. I've been sitting here for the last however many hours on the TV and computer, while PILES of clean laundry are sitting in the other room waiting to be folded, and I'm miles behind on the work I have to get done. It's so frustrating! But the guilt I feel for sitting here, doesn't seem to motivate me to move my ass!
I have been looking into coaching. I've been to counselors multiple times. Part of me still feels like this is all in my head--not a real "condition" at all--just a lack of character on my part. Geez, by 40 I thought I'd have it all figured out...
This is the story of my life. I've been sitting here for the last however many hours on the TV and computer, while PILES of clean laundry are sitting in the other room waiting to be folded, and I'm miles behind on the work I have to get done. It's so frustrating! But the guilt I feel for sitting here, doesn't seem to motivate me to move my ass!
I have been looking into coaching. I've been to counselors multiple times. Part of me still feels like this is all in my head--not a real "condition" at all--just a lack of character on my part. Geez, by 40 I thought I'd have it all figured out...
Monday, May 10, 2010
Following through...
The trouble with ADHD is so many great ideas and so little follow through! I started this blog as a way to vent some of the millions of thoughts that bounce around in my head each day, and now here it's been over a year since I've posted.
It gets so frustrating to feel intelligent, but have nothing to show for it because I can't make anything happen. Who cares about a great idea if nothing ever gets done? Isn't that the true difference between those who achieve success and those who don't?
Lately, I have been completely overwhelmed. I keep taking on more and more things until now I feel like I'm not doing any of them well. The crazy thing is, there are about 100 more things I'd like to start doing too! The toll that ADHD has taken on my self-esteem is brutal. I feel like such a failure and a bad person--and I still question whether it's even ADHD or just a character issue--even though I've been diagnosed.
Trying to help my 16 year old son with ADHD through his academic challenges feels nearly impossible when I'm so terrible at managing my own life.
I've been considering hiring an ADHD coach. Part of me is hopeful that it could help, but part of me doesn't want to waste money on something that probably won't help at all. I feel like I live in this land of in-between, never really being able to decide and move forward.
Wow, this post has turned more negative than I planned! Life is good and I am blessed--now I just need to approach each day that way. And who knows, maybe a coach can help me do that.
It gets so frustrating to feel intelligent, but have nothing to show for it because I can't make anything happen. Who cares about a great idea if nothing ever gets done? Isn't that the true difference between those who achieve success and those who don't?
Lately, I have been completely overwhelmed. I keep taking on more and more things until now I feel like I'm not doing any of them well. The crazy thing is, there are about 100 more things I'd like to start doing too! The toll that ADHD has taken on my self-esteem is brutal. I feel like such a failure and a bad person--and I still question whether it's even ADHD or just a character issue--even though I've been diagnosed.
Trying to help my 16 year old son with ADHD through his academic challenges feels nearly impossible when I'm so terrible at managing my own life.
I've been considering hiring an ADHD coach. Part of me is hopeful that it could help, but part of me doesn't want to waste money on something that probably won't help at all. I feel like I live in this land of in-between, never really being able to decide and move forward.
Wow, this post has turned more negative than I planned! Life is good and I am blessed--now I just need to approach each day that way. And who knows, maybe a coach can help me do that.
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